Wonkette

"If you elect me, I will take money from people like me and indict myself, because that's the proper thing for Pennsylvania. Did I mention I visited here before?
Hillary '08."

Man, I hope Walter Oakes isn't still running that community center in Philly. He'd better watch his ass.

Hillary has deep roots in Pennsylvania. As First Lady, she dodged sniper fire in Philly, which in and of itself is not an unusual occurrence in the City of Brotherly Love.

Michagan and Pennsylvania to compete for vital moustache-wax jobs.

"Hi, please tell me about that machine you work with, there."

Seriously, it's 2008. Can we PLEASE dispense with the strap-on-a-hard-hat-and-visit-the-blue-collar-workers routine? Does anyone still believe that having your photo taken next to some 250 lb. drill press operator means you give a rats ass about his health care problems?

Her position on curbing corporate welfare (after the manufacturing sector of that magnificent, smelly state has been NAFTA-ly reduced to a 380-mile strip of Jiffy Lubes and Dunkin' Donuts) reminds me of Bender's outrage over his own depraved antics on All My Circuits: "Bender must be stopped! I have gone too far! Who does that guy think I am?"

Fight special interests? She's all about special interests! They've all spent the night in the Lincoln Bedroom, if they were fellating Bill in the Oval Office.

Jesus, there are so many lies in those 30 seconds, it's hard to know where the hell to start.

Hilary '08: Because if you're old and white and work in a steel mill or some shit she'll shake your hand.

Eh, NAFTA, Schmafta. it's not like there are any manufacturing jobs in Mexico; why do you think they're all trying to come here? Those jobs are in China, or being done by Bender himself.

@David J. - You know you just mentioned "Hillary Clinton" and "strap-on" in the same post, very good.

I like how, right at the start, she has to look down. "It's time to level the playing field... er... against the special interests!" So powerful.

"Solutions! Level the Playing Field! No More Special Interests!"
Inspirational slogans for an inspirational candidate. Boy, that Mark Penn is some genius.

Could that ad be any more generic? Drop in any democratic candidate for the last 30 years! "Middle class good, corporations bad!" How original and boilerplate. it's like the Democratic Party drinking game:

"Hey, a guy in a union jacket!" "Hey, a hardhat!" "a smiling kid!" "Special Interests!"

Make it stop, I'm drunk! And she didn't even mention "Change!" Maybe Pennsylvanians are afraid of change.

@Pupster: She's really been on a roll with the lying, with that titanic battle against Sinbad in Bosnia. Now it turns out that that phone call came in not at 3 a.m. but a more reasonable 11:30 p.m.

Seriously, though - how does one create millions of jobs while making it more expensive for corporations to do business? Reopen the CCC?

If I know the people from Philly, they aren't going to vote for her unless she eats a cheese steak, snowballs Santa, and screams "E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!" at the top of her lungs.

@CthulhuForPresident: You must know she will do all of these things, while at the same time explaining that Reverend Wright said "goddamn cheese steak sandwich" and is a racist against the Eagles.

@shortsshortsshorts: I sure as hell won't be flying into Philadelphia again for a layover without a corkscrew landing and a kevlar vest.

And she'll do all of this right after she dodges some sniper fire in Eastern Europe. Or Pennsylvania

@shortsshortsshorts: I heard Rev. Wright ordered his cheese steak with SWISS CHEESE and also likes the Jets and/or the Cowboys.

@Dave J.: God! What a hypocrite! Luckily Hillary is always straight forward and never misleading, unlike that "other" guy.

Wait... there's still a middle class?

Also, can't someone on her campaign pick a freaking video clip where she isn't reading off her crib notes?

In addition: Granny Panties. (Just because.)

WTF is that trumpet fanfare- for- the- common- man thingee blaring in the background???

primary prelude?