Wonkette
Meet Chris Peden, a Republican accountant and small-town Texas councilman. If all goes well, on March 4 this charming young conservative is going to kick Ron Paul out of Congress. Wonkette went to the Katy Area Republicans meeting Tuesday night to speak to Chris Peden in the flesh and bring you this EXCLUSIVE and GROUNDBREAKING interview with Texas Congressional District 14’s last best hope for vanquishing the Paultards now and forever.
Dr. Congressman Ron Paul has been the U.S. representative for Texas’ 14th congressional district since 1997, but his weird presidential campaign has not amused his constituents back home. And now he’s up against a tall, handsome, charming young conservative with a fluent command of local issues from NASA to rice farming, and whose easy demeanor and embrace of English-only legislation will thrill all but the most hardened liberals.
Chris Peden is a certified CPA, a churchgoing family man, and a practiced hand at worming cattle. Like many residents of the 14th District, he finds Ron Paul a nice enough person, as a person. It’s Ron Paul the congressman (and presidential candidate) who strikes Peden as a barking loon.
To most American political fanatics, Ron Paul is just a goofy hobbit whose hilariously doomed online presidential campaign provided standout entertainment in a year that offered a wealth of hilariously doomed campaigns.
But to many of his constituents in Texas Congressional District 14, Ron Paul is just a blame-America-first attention whore who completely ignores the people who put him in office. There are no Democrats running in the 14th District primary next Tuesday — so if Ron Paul loses, he will have the honor of being a double loser in the eyes of his beloved constituents. With this in mind, Wonkette enthusiastically endorses Chris Peden for Congress.
We spoke to Councilman Peden after a lively meeting of the Katy Area Republicans at the vast and very fancy Cinco Ranch Library. This is an early voting site, so candidates for local office pasted themselves comically against the walls of our meeting room until 7 p.m. in order to stay the required 100 feet away from the voting area.
The meeting began with a pledge of allegiance to both the Texas and United States flags, and then moved into a debate between two candidates for Fort Bend County sheriff. Councilman Peden was the closer, and definitely a favorite in this crowd, who rolled their eyes when they were informed that Ron Paul had been invited to the meeting but had declined due to “scheduling constraints.”
Peden is quick with a quip — “Elected officials today think you’re idiots. Of course, you’re a genius when they get elected,” he told the audience — but never veers far from his message. He wants District 14’s congressman to pay attention to District 14, and he doesn’t think Ron Paul is doing that.
Future Congressman Peden on the nuttiness of Ron Paul:
His voting record is … it’s horrid — 351 pieces of legislation he sponsored, six came out of committee, and none have ever passed. And if you go back and look, he just regurgitates the same pieces of legislation. “Restore the Second Amendment.” What does that mean, exactly?
But that’s his bill, and two years later he submits the bill again. He just keeps reprinting these and throwing them out there. And now he doesn’t even get any cosponsors on many of his bills. [With] many of his amendments, he’s called out of order on the floor for even putting the amendment in, because he doesn’t follow the rules of operation in the House.
He’s up there to make a point, not a difference. He wants to be called out of order because then it’s unique and it’s unusual, and he gets press, or at least Roll Call will say “Here he goes again.” But you know, if you do that once a year or once a term, it works. If you do it three or four times a day, it gets old.
Future Congressman Peden on being Ron Paul’s opponent:
He uses a quote from me on his own flyers because I said I admire him and think he’s a man that sticks to his principles. I don’t agree with his principles, but I think he sticks with them. I don’t think he does a good job of being a legislator.
Future Congressman Peden on the nuttiness of Ron Paul supporters:
They hate me. And they’ve been very vociferous with their hate. We did have some threats at our house, and our younger two boys, we relocated those to my parents’ house for safety reasons because you just never know. This is a crazy world.
We did contact Ron and tell Ron to put out there that they should stop it. And they did, we didn’t get any more calls after that. He had nothing to do with it, he didn’t orchestrate it, he’s not that kind of a guy. His supporters still call the campaign office, and they have their talking points. They all call and say the exact same thing over and over again.
Future Congressman Peden on his qualifications for Congress:
If delivering a baby is a prerequisite, then I still meet it. I have four children, and I delivered my third son. So I guess I am just as qualified to be a congressman as Ron Paul.
Chris Peden for Congress
Photos by Deputy Wonkette Operative “Dan.”
Comments
Where do I send the check?
But does he have a blimp?
Why isn't this tagged "War on Paultards"?
Meh. A crazy, do-nothing Texan is better than a boring, do-something Texan.
@Dr. Spaceman: Ah, the Hippocratic oath in action.
Pfft. Like Republicans have a chance in Texas.
He'd better get a battleship or space rocket with his name on it if he hopes to compete with the blimp.
Is Wonkette in H-Town? Come to Poison Girl!
BTW, what have you been doing the last few days between Austin and Katy? Schlitterbahn? Shiner Brewery? Rustlin' cattle?
Why does this man hate 18th-century America so strongly? Is he soft on progress?
@Kabanx: Heh, I used to go to Poison Girl. Nice place. No one brings around homemade tamales at midnight up here in Pennsylvania. Nice break from the popcorn.
Is he being funded by the PowerVote pyramid scheme?
Hey Dr. Congressman Paul, it looks like somebody's Peden your parade.
Can we have a Wonkette sub-site called Chris Peden forums?
Isn't that actually Steve Colbert without the glasses?
Also, ugh, this guy actually sounds horrifying.
And by "without the glasses" I meant, of course, with glasses.
You can't just deliver a baby and think you're ready to represent the Fightin' 14th. Get back to us when you've performed a pap smear on a "retired" truck stop meth whore.
I think this means that Wonkette is in Katy, Tomball, Cypress-Fairbanks, and Manvel, but not Houston.
Paultards, meet the Peden-philes.
TJBeck: @Kabanx: No wait, that's some otehr place I'm thinking of. Poison Girl is accross from Mark's American (a cool place in its own right). I only went there a couple times. I'm thinking of some place on Montrose.
Anyway, I was always more of a Alabama Ice House or Griffs kind of person.
also, if we talk about dr. congressman peden, should we use a lower case 8 point font?
Oh, and losing a primary isn't the end - ask Joe Lieberman. Herr Docktor Paul OBGYNWTFLOL will finally get the push he needs to cut from the GOP and run as an Anti-Federalist.
I feel the pain of these Texans. Cynthia McKinney used to be my congressnutjob, and when I'd complain about it, DUers and Daily Kossacks would call me a Bush-lover.
This guy better watch out. When he wins the Paultards are going to chase him around like he's Sean Hannity!
Time to Cleanse the Washington Colon: Elect Peden, Cattle Wormer.
Ah, Etro Lounge is what I thought was Poison Girl. Thank you Google Maps.
Peden, what a lying sack of shit that one his.
@Lazy Media: Don't forget, you're also a racist.
And Peden is an improvement over Dr. Ron how?
[www.chrispeden.org] "My name is Chris Peden. I'm a Pro-Family, Pro-Life Christian conservative who believes in free markets, smaller government, and individual responsibility [aka automatic weapons]. … I fought the rising tide of liberalism and led the movement to make English the official language of the City of Friendswood [pop.: 8]. I believe English is the glue that holds this great country together and it's the language of hope, opportunity, and progress [and someday we'll speak in Texas]."
Someone needs to work that tiny pic of Ron Paul in bray mode for their wonkette avatar.
@sluggo:
I think we're using the whole enemy's enemy logic here.
@Lazy Media: so ain't our buddhist doing great??!
Church-going family man = married Mary
Tall, handsome and articulate.
Its too bad the Democrats can't find somebody like that to run for president. A man like that could just be unbeatable.
Oh, and wasn't it spelled Pedent before a media consultant told him to drrop the silent 't'?
the paultards will defeat him using their orcs and manna and other World of Warcraft things I don't know anything about.
Says a lot about Texas that this loser is the best they can muster against the bastions of Paultardia.
@Botswana Meat Commission FC: Meet the best Pedenphiles of all.
@PROUD PAULTARD: Awww, come on.....you know you're dying to rename your account PROUD PEDENPHILE.
And all I can say is thank Jeebus we have a man like Ron Paul who can finally take the high ground on racism.
the guy reminds me of Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum, actually.
@PROUD PAULTARD: Wow, thats as pathetic a post from a paultard as there's been.
While Paul losing the election might force Paul into the shadows, but maybe it will make him go become mayor of crazytown.
he only has one first name!
@sluggo: I concur.
And no offense to anyone, but Paul being a representative from Texas makes his positions pretty effective. I mean, he's representative of most of the people I personally know from Texas, and the almost erotic pleasure he derives from voting against spending bills is a wonder to behold. Plus, no worries about the Texans in his district getting any sort of funding from earmarks! Good news regardless of what side of the aisle you are on!
If only more people in this world were like Ron Paul...
Chris Peden should probably ask for Secret Service protection, just in case. Or at least hire as a bodyguard a level 60 Night Elf.
Wonkette endorsing a neocon against Paul is sorta sad. I didn't detect on ounce of snark in that interview. Is my snark-o-meter busted?
@GaCracker: She's gonna be Preznit of Greenonia!
@Dr. Spaceman: Totally! If only Bush had been as successful as Ron Paul at getting absolutely nothing done...
I was all kinda meh on Peden, until that last bit about the baby deliverin'. So there's some potential for crazy there. Maybe not Paul-crazy, but still.
Just to clarify, Wonkette still endorses Ron Paul's presidential bid, right? Just not the congressional seat?
Hmmm.
Do I want to be a Paultard or a Pedenophile?
But the Paul was on Morton Downey once. Doesn't that count for something? Thats real celebrity. Plus he annoys goopers a lot more than dems.
I've borrowed liberally from this post (with due credit and snark of course) and posted it here:
[news.aol.com] to increase your readership. I thought you might need it
urwekumbai
Hrm. I dunno about this shit. Why does Wonkette hate Ron Paul so much, exactly? For a while I thought it was just for the sake of snark, which would be fine, but why be supportive of this Peden dickhead?
This Peden guy, he's a Republican right. Just wait, his cell phone photo of sex solicitation in a mens room is bound to turn up.
@z3k3: Yes.
@DeniseWilliams: Hi Denise my secret co-worker! Thanks!
@bill_tx: Wonkette has nothing but EVOL (that is the revolutionary way of spelling LOVE backwards) for Dr. Paul. We were the first to endorse his presidential campaign, and we may well be the last.
On the other hand, his Internet Hobbit Supporters would be totally heartbroken if he lost his Congressional seat, so we're down with that.
@bill_tx: With a few exceptions, it's not Doctor Congressman Ron Paul the man but rather his followers, who insist on cluttering my roads and clogging my intertubes about the latest nonsense about how he's some sort of Dalai Lama of anti-federalism, the 7th reincarnation of Patrick Henry or some such bullshit.
Peden's a dick, but he's a dick without followers. Heck, one of his campaign promises should be that nobody will hear about him again after he gets elected, or at least until he gets caught trying to pay a 12 year old boy for fellatio.
Pedophile for Congress is a f'n commie RINO. We don't need him. We need a real man and a real conservative, Ron Paul.
Take back the Republic from the f'n commies UN sucks ups in our schools, gov't, churches, holy cow they are like roaches everywhere you look.
@z3k3: I didn't detect on ounce of snark in that interview.
Kinda seemed like a salad tossing to me too. Which must mean it was a stealth snark. Paul may be weird, but Peden is a chip off the old Bush.
Hey !!! Did ya'll hear that Peden just got another donation added to his $160,000.00 campaign fund??? No, I ain't talking about the $159,950.00 he loaned himself ... I'm talkin bout $12.54 his old lady made dancin for 8 hrs over at "HeartBreakers Club" there in Dickinson!!! Hehehehehe, they wuz howlin at the moon, in there!
Somebody needs to tell the poor bastard that his weave job looks like shit, too!
@NH4RonPaul: Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water?
@Grimnir: Don't you remember that Dr. Congressman the Rev. Mr. Ron Paul puts earmarks in spending bills, then votes against the spending bills on "small government principles"? It must be good to have values like that. And he wants to get that damn government off our backs--and into our bedrooms. For a "libertarian" he seems to have a lot of faith in government--he seems to think that government can effectively ban abortion and hermetically seal the border, but running an effective mass transit system, well, government cannot do that.
Practically speaking, I do of course want Ron Paul to get another term--one more anti-war vote, after all. Then again, the level of anger on the Ron Paul Forums when Steve Peden breezes by Ron Paul with 63% of the vote to get the GOP nomination over Paul--well, it won't exactly be a bad consolation prize, I must say.
Wow, I lost my virginity in that library back in the days.
@NH4RONPAUL--All Hail Commissar Bush.
Some of us would prefer that Ron Paul sticks to the Republican partly like, well, stuff that sticks.
@TJBeck: When did Etro start existing? It seemed to pop out of nowhere. I went once and was less than thrilled, though I remember hearing they have a lot of beers or something.
I was in Galveston this last weekend and saw all the Peden signs.
After seeing that he's from Friendswood, and knowing how people think around here, I'd say that they will see this batshit crazy Peden as one of their own.
Dr Congressman Paul might be in for a bumpy ride next Tuesday.
@Ken Layne: @Guppy06:
Hmmmm...Well, okay. As long as the Paultards get screwed, it's almost justifiable.
Ron Paul was momentarily an Internet fad, and thus had a rapid rise in popularity, followed by an equally rapid decline in popularity. Unfortunately for Ron Paul, he had his chance, and future runs are pretty much automatically roped into "Ralph Nader" territory.
The crazy stalkerish type of fans still number enough to scare the living daylights out of a Texas district. Time to distance yourself from the Paultards if you want your office back, Dr. Paul.
@Ken Layne: I'm sure we'll get over it.
You're really only screwing the people of Galveston and helping give a leg up to the neocons who regularly steam roll the spineless democratic opposition.
Also - Clinton and Obama supporters are WAY more annoying that Paul supporters. Those candidates are identical to each other and a short hair away from being George Bush. But somehow they go on and on about their name calling nonsense... Like a celebrity crotch shot its all much a do about nothing.
@JohnnyZito: It is funny that you think the people of Galveston read this blog for political advice.
@DeniseWilliams: People still use AOL?
@Ken Layne: Translation: Paultard hate brings the page views.
I will never vote Republican and will never vote for a Libertarian who believes that unobstructed free markets work in the best interests of all Americans.
That being said, I like Ron Paul. I can see how folks would find his supporters annoying, and while I don't agree with all of his platform, he has raised some crucial topics that no other major candidate has addressed.
Ron is the only candidate I've heard use the term "blowback" - specifically as a cause of 9/11. You aren't intelligently or completely discussing US Foreign Policy in the Middle East without talking about blowback. "They hate us for our freedom" doesn't do the topic justice.
He's also the only candidate to mention the absurdity of America's fiscal policy. Need more money for imperialist adventures in the Middle East? Print some more money! Pass on debt to the next generation. Need more money for bloated domestic spending? Why balance the budget? We can just print more money and let our grandchildren pay the bill.
Historically, overreaching foreign policy and unsustainable fiscal policy are two reasons that empires collapse. As someone who is voting Democratic in November, I still appreciate that Dr. Paul is raising these issues.
@Sara K. Smith: I don't think anyone reads this blog for advice. Judging from the off topic comments most people don't read the blog at all.
Instead they use these threads like a handicap stall at the bus station where they can scrawl all their ignorance for other constipated assholes to read.
@JohnnyZito: I often find sage advice scrawled on the walls of public toilet stalls, handicapped (my preference is the term: crippple) or otherwise.