Wonkette

Last night there was some episode of the popular teevee show Law & Order that may or may not have been about Larry Craig. It also may or may not have been about Barack Obama, Norman Hsu, and the murder of Vince Foster by Hillary Clinton! DID YOU SEE IT? I sure didn’t, but Intern Elise “Gossip Roundup” Rosen — who’s from L.A., just like the movie stars — for some reason did. She summarized the plot and “allegories” of the episode in a very formal G-chat conversation last night, despite my best attempts to make things incoherent. Read at your own risk, after the jump.Elise: i just watch law and order
it started out being about larry craig
but then was about norman hsu
and basically made hillary look like a murderer

Jim: but there’s no fred thompson right?

Elise: no
there was also a barack obama character

Jim: how can they have political law and order without him?
oh god

Elise: yeah

Jim: was he a messiah or a crack dealer?

Elise: i mean, it was pretty ridiculous
he was also suspected of murdering people
i’m telling you, they made hillary look as if she had done it
like, killed 3 people
it was sort of insane
the larry craig guy ended up being totally harmless

Jim: hahahahaha… was she framing obama as the real murderer who killed three people with his half-kenyan tribal machetes, but then people realized she just sucks?

Elise: the plot was that these 3 guys turned up dead ( a lawyer, a gay guy, and a iraq vet). they figure out the gay guy was having sex with “larry craig”. But then (and here’s where i stopped paying attention) they realize that it was more likely “norman hsu” so they have to interview “barack obama” and “hillary clinton”. then norman hsu acts as his own lawyer and has bother of them testify, making it clear that they had motive to kill the lawyer since he (norman hsu) had contributed so much to the campaign. in the end, hillary clinton tape records norman hsu in a bathroom, which plays at trial and gets him to go a little beserk so he gets convicted. however, it is later found out that hillary clinton possibly edited the tape

Jim: exactly how much was he like “larry craig”
(I may post this g-chat as a post tomorrow)

Elise: haha
oh god

Elise: correct my spelling, please

Jim: no

Elise: fuck!

Jim: DO NOT START CAPITALIZING NOW

Elise: well, he was also a toe tapper
he was sort of old

Jim: was he in the closet or out of the closet or not gay at all (like larry craig)

Elise: he tried to pick up jeremy sisto!

Jim: who is that

Elise: he’s an actor who is now one of the detective on law and order
he was in clueless

Jim: didn’t they all die on law and order?
fred thompson died, jerry orbach died
he replaced which dead person?

Elise: jerry orbach-ish
there were others before him

Jim: anyway, what happened to hillary in the end? did she get away with it in the end?
even thogh you already said she didn’t?
point is: can she beat john mccain?

Elise: no, she did, actually
what happened was, when norman hsu character was on the stand
he was like “what happened to the end of the tape???”
and the defense told him that was it

Jim: i think i see the answer to the puzzle: bill richardson
he did all of this
continue

Elise: later, hillary is talking to sam waterston
and he’s like “was there an end of the tape?”
and she very coyly walks away
which, you know, on law and order means she totally did it

Jim: but she and her evil husband bill “doctored” it
with racism

Elise: haha
no

Jim: damn

Elise: yeah
no no
she may have said something about vote for her
fuck
i wish i paid more attention

Jim: you didn’t watch this at all, did you? law and order isn’t even a SHOW is it?
WAIT
I thought they stopped making new tv?
explain THAT

Elise: i did! i did!
uh…it’s ripped from the headlines?

Jim: what came of barack in the end?

Elise: except the part where people die

Jim: was he blamed for the mruders?

Elise: he was disgraced
no
OH!
OH!
wait, i forgot

Jim: forgot to ask an important question — was he black in the show?
because he’s white too

Elise: they did specifically mention hillary clinton
in relation to being accused of murder
as in, the actual name hillary clinton

Jim: oh fuck, vince foster

Elise: and yes, he was black

Jim: did they mention vince foster?

Elise: whitewater?
(i’m young, jim, forgive me)

Jim: oh, you kids…. INTERN PROJECT: WIKIPEDIA VINCE FOSTER
and his death

Elise: i was going to, but i felt like i’d lose momentum

Jim: BAD INTERN
he was a counsel to the clintons in the white house, was with them in arkansas too, good friends with the clintons

Elise: sorry

Jim: and then he committed suicide in 1993
and some poeple think he was really stressed because he might have to compromise things he knew about the clintons in the investigation, out of loyalty
BUT THERE ARE CONSPIRACIES
that hillary killed him and/or was fucking him

Elise: yes, yes, this is who they mentioned

Jim: oh my god… conspiracy theorists are writing law and order

Elise: i wonder if fred thompson writes for law and order

Jim: fred thompson doesn’t do anything
he’s a loser
but maybe i’m sure theey have plenty of crazy scripts floating around the internet of this VERY STORY

Elise: haha

Jim: what if the ultimate meta-irony is that obama is behind this episode

Elise: he didn’t look very good either

Jim: HOLLYWOOD barry probably can make it happen

Elise: i think that the point of the episode was that
while republican congressman may be a little gay

Jim: oh, so i’ve missed the entire point

Elise: at least they don’t kill people
congressmen
shit