Wonkette

*HEY, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO:* It’s the one day every four years that Floridians vote in primaries, and by tradition this means that voters are reporting “technical glitches” with voting machines. We hear that one of these complainers, that was actually not a human but a famous blimp, said that when it tried to vote for Ron Paul, the machine’s robotic Fascist-arms stuffed it in a black burlap sack and threw it to the bottom of Lake Okeechobee. [Orlando Sentinel]