A shocking new study proves that Republican voters are having more sex than their Democratic counterparts, but Democrats are having less sex with more people, and everybody is basically watching pornography day and night, and both the right and left would happily let themselves be sodomized by the new president, in the White House, as long as that president is “attractive” to the kind of people who vote.
Playboy magazine apparently still exists and commissioned the sex poll to prove the point.
Here are some other troubling results:
* 55% of people who claim to be weekly churchgoers also claim to be “sexually adventurous.”
* 51% of Republicans and 65% of Democrats watch porn all the time with whoever/whatever they have sex with.
* 35% of Democrats lie that they’ve slept with more than 10 people, while 25% of Republicans say they’ve had sex with more than 10 people.
* A quarter of Dems and GOPers say they’d have a “one night stand” with the president, in the White House. We are all Monica Lewinsky.
* Only 43% of Democrats say they have sex once a week, compared to 55% of Republicans. But nobody has to provide evidence of what they’re having sex with, so it could be anything from wealthy godless people having sex with an attractive spouse to Michigan primary voters having sex with a cremation urn.