Wonkette

Matt Green, founder of the “Christian office and educational supply store chain” Mardel, has pledged to bail Oral Roberts University out of its financial dregs with a donation of $70 million. Green will give $8 million immediately and the remaining $62 million after a thorough review of the school’s financial records. We assume that if he doesn’t see the phrase “Jesusery = happiness” 62 million times in these records, then the deal is off! Green’s donation is a direct result of his Christian altruism, and he doesn’t want any influence in the University’s affairs. Oh, except for the two board of regents seats he is demanding for his family.Green wants to “straighten” the wayward “ship” that is ORU, from where former school president Richard Roberts resigned on Friday amid allegations that he used school funds to support a sexy, lavish Christian lifestyle. (Compounded, of course, by rumors that his wife was fucking a 16-year-old).

And just maybe ORU will be a great outlet for his super-chic Mardel line of Jesus t-shirts, too! Here are a couple samples:

Jesus suddenly considers himself lame.

Oral Roberts University Gets $70M Pledge [AP/Google]