Wonkette

So, yesterday, Denny official declared himself “over” this whole Congress thing and turned in his resignation letter to Illinois Governor Rod Blafunnyname. Rod now has to call a special election, maybe on the same day at the Illinois primaries, to fill Denny’s now-former seat until the real election. Why yesterday? Who knows, but we can speculate.

• He wanted to do it while the rumors were flying about Lott to escape the shitstorm of rumors he would have otherwise faced.

• He didn’t want to have to fly back to Washington after Thanksgiving because of Southwest Airline’s “if you’re fat, you have to buy two seats” policy.
• Since he stopped being Speaker and Nancy made lobbyists stop buying everyone meals, he’s practically starved to death.
• Doesn’t high school wrestling season start soon?
• Congress isn’t doing anything anyway, so he might as well start his Christmas shopping without having to worry about voting or anything.
• The smell of Boehner’s self-tanner was giving him migraines.
• He needs to devote himself more fully to the task of hunting down and bitch-slapping Mark Foley for fucking up the last elections.

Hastert Submits Resignation Letter [Washington Post]