Judith Giuliani used to be a poor gal from a small Pennsylvania town, but she clawed her way up and over the corpses of various ex-husbands until she found New York fascist mayor Rudy G. and tore apart his family so she could finally be the first lady of 9/11. That’s the gist of this long Vanity Fair story about the former Judi Ann Stish who left home with nothing more than cheap lipstick case in need of so many, many notches. Also:
* At the first birthday party for 9/11, Judi and her massive “security detail” knocked over Hillary Clinton, who told people “That bitch is going to die and it’s certainly not going to be quick and painless.”
* Judi once had a “live-in companion” named “Manos Zacharioudakis.”
* She threatened one of her many ex-husbands with “prosecution over a $3,500 rug.”
* Rudy currently pays her $125,000 as a, uhm, “speech writer.” And to that, one of Judi’s many close personal enemies says, “Holy cow! God forbid!”
* One of the Horror Couple’s vulgar mansions features “white porcelain figurines of Winston Churchill, the statesman with whom Giuliani likes to invite comparison” — because Rudy’s just like Churchill, had Churchill’s entire career consisted of sodomizing immigrants with plungers and letting London get destroyed by the Victorious Nazis.
* She’s such a liar, her name isn’t even “Judith.” Just “Judi.”
* Like her amoral & clinically dishonest husband, she tries to cover up some of her earlier failed marriages.
* One of the husbands she admits to having is actually a wallpaper salesman, not a billionaire like she tells everybody.
* Rudy dumped one of his other mistresses for Judi.
* And she came on to him at some douche cigar club in Manhattan, despite knowing he was married and the father of two kids and the whole family lived together at Gracie Mansion.
* One of her boyfriends considered her “a beautiful, sensual, erotic creature.”
* And while she was fucking this guy, her daughter was sleeping in the bathroom.
* Everybody gets bored of her.
* When Rudy was first screwing Judi, he used a team of NYPD detectives to guard the “fuck nest,” at a cost to the city of $3,000 per fuck.
* The affair wasn’t all bad for New York and America, as its revelation forced Rudy to drop out of the Senate race in 2000 and forever marginalized him as the “mayor who stood around and mistreated firefighters when America was attacked.”
* She tortured animals or something at a surgical company run by one of her many other ex-husbands.
* Oh jesus fucking christ she’s worst than a thousand Mitt Romneys: “They spent days and days with dogs, taking out the spleen or stomach or the lobe of a lung. Then if the dog started moaning or fidgeted, whoever was closest would push more sedative into him from the syringe. It was horrible. Then the dog would be killed with potassium chloride.”
* How does she treat all of Rudy’s loyal old mafia aides: “She just gets furiously jealous and treats them like shit!”
* Despite all this, Judi is totally aware that “the position of ‘Mrs. Giuliani’ has not historically been a secure post.”
* Oh wait, Rudy already hates his latest bride:
At the close of the May Republican debate, Judith leapt onstage eagerly, her face beaming with delight. Giuliani, it was noted, appeared strangely disconcerted. “It did not look like he was happy to see her. It looked to me like he was estranged,” says Barrett. “He was cold.”
Giuliani’s Princess Bride [Vanity Fair]