Dick Cheney Finally Takes a Stand Against Trial Lawyers

 

Cheneygun.jpgDick Cheney shot a man in the face this weekend. What did you do?

A prominent Austin lawyer is expected to be released from a hospital here today after being accidentally shot and slightly injured by Vice President Dick Cheney during a quail hunt on a South Texas ranch.

Oooh, boo hoo, Dick Cheney’s mean and scary and irresponsible. Ohhh, he didn’t follow standard hunting safety rules, ooohh, it was an avoidable accident. You know what we say? Be a fucking man, America. This is awesome.

May we just take a minute to say: “Best Vice President Ever.”

Seriously, people, who can compare? Hannibal Hamlin? Cool name, sure, but he was a total lame-o. Spiro Agnew? Pshaw. Did he ever say “go fuck yourself” on the floor of the Senate? Did he ever dress like he was shoveling his suburban driveway to a memorial service at Auschwitz? Did he ever shoot a man in cold blood? No. We didn’t think so. Agnew’s a pussy and you know it. Dick Cheney is a badass, and we love him. He’s like America’s abusive father — we’re terrified of him, we hide under our beds when we smell whiskey on his breath, but we crave his attention. We need him to tell us we’ve been good. We have a sick admiration for him that we’ll be describing to our therapists for years.

 
Related video

Do Vice Presidents have term limits? Can he please be our Vice President-for-life?

We shudder just thinking that we were almost stuck with that pretty-boy Edwards.

Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter in South Texas [Houston Chronicle]
Shooting Safety Rules [blogenlust]

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