Wonkette

Insanity: Palin’s Spokeswoman Can’t Even Make Up Reasons Why Crazy Sarah Palin Just Bailed On Her Elected Position As Governor

Ken Layne — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:55:39 +0000

Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting equal leadership, and I don’t know who the hoop is, and who the ball is.” Cooper’s expressions around 4:40 are priceless. [CNN/YouTube]

Ken Layne — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:45:26 +0000

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In the middle of this monster Palin Chaos Theory post, commenter-person Alaska Girl reminds us why Sarah Palin’s latest “I’m gonna take my ball and go home” move is standard Wasilla Snowbilly behavior: “She didn’t finish her term as mayor, stepping down to run for Lt. Governor. She didn’t finish her term on the petroleum board ethics panel, she resigned in protest and then ran for Governor. She doesn’t want the office, she just likes running for office. She doesn’t want (can’t actually) accomplish anything, she just wants to talk about it.”

So Why Did This Crazy Palin Lady Quit the Alaska Governor Job She Just Started Two Years Ago?

Ken Layne — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 23:09:41 +0000

First of all, Sarah Palin, go to HELL for ruining your editor’s day of patriotic rest and BBQ. Second, why did you really quit, crazy lady? We admit to “jumping to conclusions” (trying to hurry up and get back outside to our cocktails and friends), but the story may be more complicated than “Sarah Palin is a sociopath who will just quit being governor of Alaska THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS before the next presidential election, just to show her, uhm, Leadership Credentials, which means constantly yelling at David Letterman about a joke she couldn’t comprehend.” But there are so many more crazy theories about America’s craziest Alaskan Anger Bear, the snowbilly grifter and strip-mall Ice Queen of Wasilla. Let’s examine them, together!

Andrea Mitchell’s sources say Sarah Palin is not running for anything, ever, and that she’s “out of politics for good.” But who will fill the other half of the Santelli 2012 ticket?
Sarah Palin (or somebody!) is pregnant again! CNN’s Rick Sanchez suggested this “why not?” reason.
Palin’s nutball spokeswoman, “Meg,” denies Andrea Mitchell’s account, and says that Palin will actually be going “outside government,” which, uhm, is not actually a denial at all, right? DailyKos commenter bluedonkey08 says in response, “You know, sometimes I think it’s not worth trying to understand what she says. Your sanity will appreciate it.” Noted.
Palin’s brother called the cable news to give his own theory, based on some conversation with Sister Sarah at a ski resort somewhere, two months ago. According to this relative, Palin has been spending “80% of her time defending herself” from the Media. You know, because it’s super important to yell at David Letterman for weeks at a time, for being a teevee comic who makes jokes about politicians. (Sarah Palin apparently spends the remaining 20% of her time at ski resorts.)
Mean old Washington Post beltway neocon Charles Krauthammer said the other day on Fox News that Palin is “not a serious candidate” for Republicans. Did Krauthammer make emo Sarah cry and quit?
She’s just plain crazy and you’re just wasting your time trying to make sense of her erratic behavior. This is the theory suggested by CBS News, which described her speech as “rambling and sometimes confusing.”

Sarah Palin ‘Not Taking The Quitter’s Way Out’

Jim Newell — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:39:26 +0000

Some of us have been on vacation since Wednesday, at the delightful Beach, but how could we miss Sarah Palin’s latest cosmic sack o’ lies and demons and terror? Watch her “I’m going to resign because governing a state is hard when you have absolutely no interest in governing a state” speech, it is packed with funnies. We are sobbing. There are evil monsters screeching in the background. And Piper’s feet itch! [YouTube]

SARAH PALIN RESIGNS

Ken Layne — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:04:20 +0000

Come on, we are supposed to be celebrating AMERICA this July 4th Weekend, but of course with Sarah Palin, it’s all about Sarah Palin. So she has RUINED our Independence Day by announcing that she’s quitting the governor’s job (boring!) and handing over power to the lieutenant governor, and this apparently means she’s running for the GOP nomination for PRESIDENT (we just elected one!) in 2012, the end? Probably not. [Fox News/CNN]

Is Our President TOO Diplomatic?: A Politico EXPOSE

Juli Weiner — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:06:18 +0000

Cryptofascist warblog The Politico has won the long weekend (and, by retroactive default, the Revolutionary War) with their crucial SCOOP on Obama’s weird obsession with pronouncing proper nouns—names of places he’s visiting, names of people he’s speaking to, that sort of thing—in the way in which they are actually intended to be pronounced. Quoth Politico’s Carol “Robert” E. Lee: “In Obama’s view, pronouncing someone’s name or hometown correctly is a simple way of showing respect.” This is called Obamanomics, and it’s foreclosing America’s jobs.

This is because Barack Obama’s name (”Barack Obama”) has also been mispronounced on occasion! ACTUAL LEDE of this patriotic linguistic exegesis:

“Bill Clinton. George Bush. Jimmy Carter. They’re all pretty easy to pronounce.

But Barack Obama is not so simple.”

Phonetically, it is “Blagojevich.” But the Queen’s English was not invented by Jesus for use towards such recalcitrant vowelage!

We’re going to get into some heavy psychological shit for a minute, but we totally get it, you know? Obama’s wonky obsession with “correctness” and “facts” is mayhap tied to America’s habitual inability to properly intone the 6 letters—of which all 6 are vowels—of the Hawaiian alphabet. But that still begs the question: Why is Liz Becton blogging for Politico under the pseudonym “Robert E. Lee”?

[It's Pronounced "Drudge Bait"]

America’s Car Wizard Drives A Japanese Car

Sara K. Smith — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:04:49 +0000

OH SCANDAL this youngling Brian Deese, a 14-year-old hired by the president to reform the auto industry — the American auto industry, that is — does not even drive an American car. Instead he drives a two-door Honda Civic hatchback with a shitty paint job, referred to informally as the “Pussy Wagon.” On this day before the most patriotic day of the year, it is fair to ask the question: does Deese understand how completely insane Japanese people are? [The Sleuth]